Today is my birthday. Today God decided I needed to come out into the world; His creation, His design, brought forth on August 1st, 1973. Why? I mean, isn't that the question we all ask? Why did God bring me into this world? What is my purpose? To glorify God the Father through His Son, Jesus Christ. That is the sole purpose of life.
The issue I am having is that, today being my birthday, makes me 46 years old. Those older than me tell me I am still young. But when I look at my life, I want to turn around at the end of it and say, "I did not waste what time You gave me." But right now, I can't say that, and at 46 years old, that grieves me deep within my soul. To know I was born for a purpose, and to have buried my talent in the sand; would be the most grievous suffering to endure. I don't want to be that person who regrets every second of their life.
Time goes by so fast. The older I get, the faster it seems it go. Time is a fear of mine. I always feel like I am running out of time. Like I have some control over how long I live! He who created me and put this vessel on earth knows how long to leave me here. Sooner or later, this vessel will be complete- a masterpiece for His glory, and there is nothing any doctor, hospital, medications or anything else that can stop His will for my last day on this earth. Amen? Time is not in our hands.
Tragedy happens; in the blink of an eye. For instance, back in May my son was in a head-on collision. He was on his way to work when an oncoming driver crossed the center line and hit my son head on. His truck rolled twice, and the State Trooper believes that my son was ejected from the truck on the second roll. I received the call at 5:30 a.m. The cat woke me up. I did not have my phone next to me, I had left it in the kitchen when I went to bed that night. But the cat was driving me nuts wanting me to feed him, so I got up at 5:30 a.m. I walked into the kitchen, saw my phone flashing and read the text. My son was on his way to the trauma unit via ambulance. The text came just a few minutes before I had gotten up. I started to pray- "God, not my son, not my son!" as I ran through the house getting ready to go to the hospital. My life was like a silent movie. I only heard my cries to my God.
When I got to the hospital (mind you, I lived an hour and 45 minutes away and I prayed the whole way!) I was greeted by the staff when I walked through the ER doors. They looked at me and said, "You must be mamma." I hadn't even opened my mouth. God was already there. He was with my son, and He had prepared the way for me. They took me back to the emergency room and I loved on my son, and prayed and thanked God for His mercy and protection over my son. He is OK. He walked out of the hospital on two feet 4 days later with 10% compression fracture and a few bumps and bruises. God was with my son. That accident could have killed him. But it didn't. God had a purpose and a plan.
A day or two before my son was released, we said some things to one another, some things were done and I left the hospital fighting back tears. I cried all the way home. We had a few words. Even with him in the hospital, we still had a moment of mom and adult son not getting along. Then, the following week was Mother's Day. I had an even bigger blow up, this time with both my kids and their spouses. On Mother's Day. That's when it all started to hit me. The accident, the arguments, the fighting in our family- it was opposite of what I had been looking for. I desire peace and sincere happiness in my life and with the ones I love. Where I was at, was not it.
I started to turn back to Him. I started to write more, journal more, pray more, read more, and listen more. I started to ask Him to show me how to have this life of peace and sincere happiness I craved so desperately. And He did. I had a decision to make, I was not at peace, and I was not happy. He is the Author and Creator of time. He set the sun and the moon in its place. It is not time, or the lack thereof that I should fear, but the Creator of Time is whom is due my reverential fear. Live for Him and time will never bother you again. Amen.
I have been a Christian long enough to know His Word is clear. My goal and purpose on this earth is to glorify God the Father, through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. However He chooses that to look, that is up to Him, not me. But these sequences of events made me realize that what I was living was not the life that I desired. It looked like it from the outside, but sin always does look good on the outside, it's what is within that hurts us and kills us. You can decorate an outhouse and make it look like a mansion on the outside, but it's still an outhouse inside. That's sin- looks great, but stinks your life up pretty bad!
So, that is when this journey began for me. This journey to the desires of my heart. My Jesus manifested through me. It's what I have always been created to be. Once upon a time can have a happy ending, if you just believe. Once upon a time I was a little girl, dancing around the yard (I've always loved the outdoors!) excited to go fishing to Lake MacBride for my birthday with my mom and dad. All I ever wanted then was a life of peace and happiness- even as a little girl, once upon a time. The sad truth is, none of the roads I took led me there. I always ended up unhappy, unsettled, and not at rest. I had glimpses of it, but He has led me right where I need to be. I just need to learn to not wander so easily!
At 46 years old, I can say this with all conviction; there is no other way but His. You can try, but I am telling you the truth- I have already been there, done that, and it is not the way. I have family and friends who can testify to my stupidity too! They have watched me wander down so many roads these last 46 years, its a wonder they don't give up on me.
But this time feels different. All these series of events took place to bring me to the realization that who I was, was not who I wanted to be. And it was time to wake up, and chase after my dream. 46 might be young to some, but to me was a wake-up call. Today is all I have. I have sinned, I have hidden from God, and from man. I have wronged and I have failed. But I pray to God that this road He is showing me will lead me to the promise He has given me. And in doing so, by walking in obedient faith, I will fulfill my purpose and His work will be complete in me. Whether it be today, or whether it be 50 more years; time is not in my hands. It is in His, and I have nothing to fear.
Give Him my best; my obedient faith today, all I have been promised, and He will fulfill the rest. Finally, at 46 years old, I am learning what it means to be at peace and to rest in sincere happiness. I am still stubborn as a mule and screw up- a lot! But He hasn't taken His hands of this clay lump and I am going to be OK. I am in the hands of the Potter.
So, Happy Birthday to me, and to all the others whom God brought forth on this first day of August! May we all become the vessels of mercy intended for His honor and His grace. Be blessed! Happy Birthday!
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