Chapters of My Life: I Don't Care

(July 1st, 2019)     

"Father, why  does it have to be so hard? Why does life have to be so hard?

 "And to Adam he said,

“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife

    and have eaten of the tree

of which I commanded you,

    ‘You shall not eat of it,’

cursed is the ground because of you;

    in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;

thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;

    and you shall eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your face

    you shall eat bread,

till you return to the ground,

    for out of it you were taken;

for you are dust,

    and to dust you shall return.”Genesis 3:17-19 ESV

     And on that day God looked at His Son and saw his Sin. Adam was stained. He could no longer dwell with His son. Think about someone you love more dearly and more deeply than any other. Your son, your daughter, sister; spouse- whomever. Imagine if you could see them, hear them, and watch them, but their actions caused a barrier to be built between you. The battle lines had been drawn. They were in a bubble. You could see them, but they no longer wanted you to look on them. They hid from you. Our Father had no other choice but to do what He did; sacrifice Himself for the sake of His Son and His offspring. 

     Life is hard because of sin. The reason why we continue in sin is because we cannot see the lie and the bubble we are in. God did not curse His Son, Adam. Adam did that on his own. God only explained to Adam that what he did had consequences, a result of his choice to sin. He had to discipline him. 

    My life is hard because I make it hard. I have believed the lie of sin and have been blind. I choose to sin. I  have no one to blame but me. There are lessons we have to learn to get us to look outside the bubble and see our Father, our Husband, waving and yelling out our names.  

    Let me take you back to when I say I was "born again". In 2001 I was on my way to work, pulled into a church and "gave my life to Christ." They laid hands on me and I started to change. My life took a drastic change and I bowed myself to what I believed God was showing me. I was a very lost, little lamb. 

    I poured myself into His Word. I mean, every moment of every day was poured into His Word. I would read it, listen to it as I cleaned hotel rooms and folded hotel bed sheets. Life was hard, to be sure, but I had some hard lessons to learn. When I look back on it now, I know this is when I realized I was saved. I was in a pit. I was in sin and darkness, separated from Him. This is when I began to desire Him, and the promises of His Word. 

    I have searched my whole life for someone to fill up the emptiness, the loneliness inside me. A place on this earth where I can finally have safety, peace and rest. But what I couldn't see was the whole time I was looking for Him, He was searching for me. I was in the pit of darkness and He shined His light on me. I looked up, I believed. He threw me the rope of His Grace and said, "Trust Me." This is what His Word means by the process of Sanctification. We followed the  right voice and found the right path. But because we did not put in the work, and stay in fellowship with Him, we fell down and have found ourselves back at the bottom of the pit. 

    I am not going to go into deep theology on the matter- only state that I am writing only what I have personally experienced- nothing more, nothing less. I profess only that I have a Lord and Savior and He is the light in me. But, if you are tired and weary like me, look up- He is calling your name too. 

    The problem is we like the pit sometimes. We get comfortable, we don't want to look up because some false teacher has deceived us into believing we could just believe and that would be enough. Faith without works is dead, my friend, let me remind you. Loud music, cushioned seats, flashing lights and timed sermons from someone who doesn't even walk what they preach- are all just a cover for the simple truth that you don't want to believe. Same problem Jesus teaches about with the Scribes and Pharisees. You don't want to go through the painful process of dying to your flesh, giving up your hopes of fame, fortune, and a legacy. Talking that leap of faith and walking away from everything and everyone that does not point you to Christ, and dedicating every single step to Him. I know how hard it is- because that is the woman I am. 

     When we surrender to sin we slip, we fall back down into the pit. One sin is all it takes for our bubble to become dark and hopeless again. Everything we speak, everything we think, we must filter through Christ. I hate to say it by the Christian"ese" fad that was going on back when I first began to believe, (the "What Would Jesus Do?" - "WWJD" fad) but they were onto something. Unfortunately, sin crept in and did what sin always does- destroyed it. It stole away its strength to encourage people to get back into the Word of God for themselves and made it into a saying, a meme, a distant memory. How? By giving it fame and fortune, a promise of a lasting legacy. No different than when Satan took Jesus to the temple pinnacle and told Him that all "this" (fame, fortune, legacy, worship; god-likeness) could be His if He would just sin. (Matthew 4:7-11 ESV) One time is all it took. But Jesus replied with the Word of God because He was God. Sin tried to steal away His strength, but He conquered it. He killed it. He defeated it.

    My point is this. You have to look up and believe God our Father is not displeased with you. He did not curse you. You are only suffering the consequences of your sins. But there is hope. It is the rope of Grace given to you by Jesus Christ our Lord. Yes, in the Old Testament, before Jesus, He is interpreted as harsh, angry, judgmental. But that is a lie sin wants us to believe. That is the veil that is over the eyes of those who do not believe. That is why there are so many "born again" believers sick, blind, dead and diseased. You are believing a lie and you refuse to look up. You like your sins, you like the taste of it too much too give it up. It feeds your flesh. I know, I am that woman too. 

    I liked my sin. It was satisfying to begin with. Yet, if I want to be honest, truly honest; it never lasted that long. The satisfaction began to wear off and that emptiness inside me began to cry out for help, for direction. I was lost, and I needed found. Sin made me believe that earthly things can fulfill that emptiness inside me. Sin has made me believe that there is no God, no one to save me- it is all up to me. Because whether you want to admit it or not, every human on earth has this same emptiness, this "lost-ness" in them. It's why we continue to sin. Sin has made us believe that we are not enough; smart enough, pretty enough, and so on and so on. But God says, You don't have to be good enough, My Son already is. I have accepted Him, therefore I accept you. As a good Father would say to His Son's Bride. As a good Father would say to His rebellious child. 

      We are His offspring, the Father has welcomed Him back to His rightful place- inside the guarded gates. (Genesis 3:24) We are His (Jesus') children; the offspring of Adam, redeemed by faith. Just as Abraham was the offspring of Adam, but became the father of the Promise, the redeemed by faith in Jesus Christ. (Don't skip over the genealogies in His Word, there are many treasures hidden there if you are willing to dig.) 

     One thing is for certain; I have been in this pit too long and I am tired of slipping and falling back down into it. But here I am, complaining and grumbling about how hard my life is, when I have no one to blame but myself. (I praise God my Father who did not give up searching for me! And I praise Jesus Christ my Lord for shining His light on me and showing me the way. Amen!) 

     I searched for happiness as the church said I should, and I never found it. Yes, I sinned and slipped, but it wasn't until almost two years ago that I fell- I started to slide, didn't look up and I took a pretty hard fall. I took my eyes of His light and I chased after a desire of my flesh. (I even wrote a book about it.) I followed the wrong path because I believed what I was being taught- meaning spoken to me through preaching, music, and books, instead of believing the voice of my Shepherd on the inside of me. Instead of listening to His voice spoken to me, personally, through His Word. He tried to warn me, but I didn't listen.  

     I thank my Lord Jesus for the rope of Grace- without it I would still be face down in the depths of this filthy pit. My friend, please understand this- there is nothing on this earth (not even another human being) that can satisfy that emptiness- that belief that there is something better, something greater than Him. Stop searching for fulfillment in earthly things- sinful things. Stop partaking in them. Stop listening to them, watching them, and being a part of them. 

    I had a little business going. It was going well. But I let my sinful nature tell me there was more. I could be rich, I could be famous. Life would be so much easier if I had more money... I could make a name for myself, leave a legacy. I could show everyone who ever doubted me that I was chosen and called by God. (Reminds me of Moses when he killed the Egyptian guard. He knew he was chosen by God, he just sucked at timing! (Exodus 2:11-15) It's called the process of sanctification and it hurts. Jesus suffered many beatings, many lashes, and many other things in a short period of time. No one knows how much it hurts to die to the flesh more than He. Look at what He endured to overcome the sin nature in Him, so He could spend eternity with me. (Think on that for awhile.) Unfortunately, not everyone invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb, ever make it to the feast. Many are called, but few are chosen. (Matthew 22:1-14 ESV) 

    What I have come to realize is that sin will always cause me to take my eyes off of Him. The only sure way to keep myself from falling all the way down the pit again (because starting all over from scratch, again....really does suck! I really don't like it here!) is to keep hold of the rope and cry out for Him every time I feel my grip starting to slip. He hasn't lost me. His grip is tight upon me. I need to remember His love, His faithfulness, His mercy and His Word. I have to grab hold of that rope, look up and see my Savior smiling and waiting for me. 

    I have realized also that it doesn't really matter- nothing we worry about really matters. I mean, even Jesus asked us why we worried- we can't add one second to our lives (Matthew 6:27) All that matters is that I am focused on Him. What Would Jesus Do? Then, take the rope, plant my foot and start to climb when He tells me to go. If we do not surrender ourselves to the Word of God then we are going to slip, we might even fall. Stop looking at what could be and focus on what is. This is how the serpent deceived Eve. He took her eyes of what was true- God was All She Needed- and turned her focus on what could be...maybe He was withholding something more, something better from me? And that is the opening sin needed.
   I am not here to list off all the ways you need to get your relationship right with God. I don't care how you do it. I know what I am going to do and how I am being directed to climb. That is what I am going to do. But that is for me. You got your own climb. I am not going to do it for you. Grab the rope, plant your foot and wait for His directions. 

    I will give you one piece of wisdom that I have picked up on my travels- start with His Word Only. Download a Bible App that reads either the King James; New King James; or English Standard Version, do not stray from these three- please. Read your Bible. Listen to His Word. Surround yourself in His Presence- His voice. Don't get sucked into the lie that flashing lights, loud music, and emotional tears of feeling sorry for ourselves is the way. Stop beating yourself up and repeating the same mistakes everyone else is making. Get your eyes off of them and look up at Him. 

   "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."
  James 4:8 ESV

    Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Oh yeah, God knows! So what if I am here in this pit waiting for God to secure my way; waiting for the Holy Spirit to arm me and prepare me for the climb. If that is the case, then so be it. Whatever His will be, it will be. If I am to live my life out barely scraping by every week, then so be it. My satisfaction, my fulfillment, my happiness is in Him. I know that if I keep on listening and only follow Him, I won't get lost ever again. I hope that when my journey ends it will be said to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’" (Matthew 25:21 ESV)  I hope that when I get to the top of this mountain, I can say, "I climbed and I reached the top of the mountain of God. I am home. I am free. Amen." 

     You see, my friend, it doesn't matter what anybody thinks. The truth is we are all deceived. I see it everyday because I see it in me. The only thing that maters is that you focus on Him. Walk away from anything that does not align with His Word to you. Anything He says is forbidden for you- believe Him. You are not missing out; there is nothing better, He is not withholding His best fruits from you. 

     He did not curse Adam, and He has not cursed you. He has to explain the consequences of our actions; He has to show us the measure of our sins. It is the only way to heal our blindness and have the strength to look for Him. There is one path for me, there is one path for you. It is your choice to keep chasing after whatever it is that you believe is for your best. Whether it be your relationship with Him, or the desires of your flesh. Your path, your choice. Money isn't everything. Let's face it, the more you have the more you spend, and then the more you acquire the more burdened you become, and you don't know when it will end. That is proof enough that where my treasure is, my heart is also. Feeling burdened? Then take a look at your relationship with Him. 

 

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

 Sure I am broke with only $8.00 to my name and I don't get a paycheck till Friday (hopefully). But its where the Lord wants me right now, so that is where I shall be. I am learning to live without a lot, and it is really freeing. I am learning to see the blessings instead of the lack. Sin casts my eyes on what I don't have (my lack- the negative aspects to my life) but Jesus tells us to cast our eyes on Him. (Believe in what we do have- the positive aspects of life. Look for them! Find them!) My situation doesn't change, but my perspective will. I can see clearly now why I am to wait. I have peace because I am grasping the rope of Grace- and not by works, lest anyone should boast, (Ephesians 2:8) I have to obey whatever it is that I believe He is telling me and not care about what anyone else thinks. 

     If the Lord is telling me to draw away from everything that does not glorify Him or encourage me to keep my eyes on Him; then I need to obey Him. Even if it means walking away from the church, from my family, from my friends. Come out from among them, and be ye separate. Be holy, for I am holy. (2 Corinthians 6:17 ESV)  He doesn't mean turn your backs on them, or be unloving, unkind, or sin against them. But He wants you to turn your eyes to Him, and Him only. It's your walk. It's your climb. Stop worrying about what others will think, and stop focusing on the struggle. See the beauty in where you are at this very moment. Train your mind to focus on the things above (all glorious and positive things) and have faith. I don't care what you think, or what you have believed. All I care about is that my eyes are on Him and that is enough for me. 

     You may think I am crazy.  But the freeing thing is- I really don't care. I know what my God says about me- I know what He thinks about me, because He tells me everyday in His Word. I am tired of bearing the responsibility of other's peoples feelings. I really don't care anymore how my choices, my decisions, and what I believe is right in God's eyes for me, makes you feel or not feel. I believe what He is showing me through His Word and as long as I am taking the necessary steps He is showing me, then my conscience is clear. I wipe my hands clean. I will walk my walk of faith as He leads. If you disagree, well then, you don't have to read this- you can delete me. 

     This is my life, my walk, my eternal destiny. I know what He has promised and even though I want to be out of this pit tomorrow; He knows what is best for me. In that alone, it should be enough for me.