Chapters of My Life: Fear Not

     I can trust Him with my emotions. That realization hit me pretty hard today. I am at this point in my life where my emotions are wearing me. Emotions period are making me weary- let alone my own! I am tired of being worried. Tired of being afraid of what tomorrow might bring. I am tired of the burden of it all.
     My emotions are all over the place because of it. I am afraid of this; fearful of that; worried about this and everything else in between. My brain is on serious overload! All these emotions are like a steam engine the Engineer is trying to slow down, but the ding a ling keeps putting in more coal and making it go faster. The only problem is I am the ding a ling- I keep adding fuel to the fire with my fear and worry.
     I have been having a hard time focusing on His word also because of my emotions. I have been distracted by many things- all of them emotional. (Fear, worry, doubt- all emotions, all a part of our sin nature) This has kept me from really focusing on His Word. Today, I forced myself to pick up my Bible and read it. When I say "force myself"; I literally mean I had to talk myself into getting out of my chair to reach for it. It took all the energy I had! But I did it.
     Another downfall of this fearful worry (fretting) I have found myself in is that I am praying less as well. (See how sin {even emotional sins} separate us from God?) But today, all I could do was sit there, worry about everything, until finally I decided to pick up His Word and read it. Then it all came pouring out. I got upset, I let all my frustrations out on Him and I have to tell you it felt good. Do you know why? Because I was real. I was honest. I came naked and bare before my Lord and He heard me. My Faithful Father and Faithful Friend- always there to remind me how truly loved I am.

"Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with My Righteous Right Hand." Isaiah 41:10 (ESV) 

     All my fears and worries are a reflection of my heart; a heart that does not trust Him fully yet. I trust Him to provide (well, if that were true- why am I worrying?) The main point is this- I can trust Him for this and that, but what I don't understand fully yet, is that I don't trust His love. I don't trust Him  with my emotions yet. I don't trust Him fully. (Ouch- that hurt to write!)
     You see; when I look at myself in the mirror; I see someone I don't want to be. I see me as an unworthy handmaiden who does not deserve even a glance or a whisper from His Holy Throne. (I am a {wo}man of unclean lips! Isaiah...) But what I fail to see, when I get in these mindsets of fretting, of fearful worry- I fail to see His outstretched arm saying, "Come to Me." He doesn't see me the way I see myself. The problem is not my worry and fearfulness; the problem is I don't see myself as worthy enough for Him. The truth of the matter is- I am not. I am not worthy- but Jesus Christ is. When the Father looks at me, He sees Him- that is enough for Him, and that should be enough for me.
     One pattern I see through scripture is that faith without works is dead. God gives us promises. He gives us battles to win and giants to face. But He also gives us the rope of Grace. We still have to climb it in obedience. If I continue to walk down a road that I know God has said is not good for me- but I choose to walk down it anyway; to me, that is sin.  "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." (James 4:17 KJV) But if I walk right; do the narrow path; take the hard road of obedience in faith, I will obtain my heart's desire.
     But it all starts with me. "Trust and obey, for there is no better way to be happy in Jesus, then to trust and obey."  (Trust and Obey by Don Moen)  He understands my fears. 365 times He says to us, "Do not Fear". That is every single day. He knows we have fears- take them to Him. David said in Psalm 51:17 that "the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Be broken, be real before God. He already knows about your sins, and He still chose you. He knows about your worries and fears. He sees your bank account. He hears the silent and secret sobs; and He wipes away every single tear.
     Let it all out. Lay it all down. Fear not, for He is working it all out. I can trust Him. I can trust His love and care for me. More than the sparrows, and He knows every single one of them. I can trust His love. His love will never fail me, no matter how many times I fail Him.
   

"Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. 

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I Who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the One who helps you." Isaiah 41:11-13 ESV 

     I don't know about you; but it doesn't get much simpler than that. Trust Him. He will never let you down. You can climb. The rope won't break, you won't need to dig yourself out. Trust His love will never fail, and climb. And that I think is enough for me. Amen?