Chapters of My Life: 24 Hours

(**Written 6/25/19)  
 
     I am done. Seriously, I give up the fight. No matter what I do, or how hard I try; I can' t win this battle against Him. The saying is true, "Whatever will be, will be", because He makes sure of it. (He is God, He has that right). I have no idea how my life is going to end, let alone what the next 24 hours will bring- but He does. Why oh why can't that be enough for me?
     For instance; I want to jump ship on this job that I have. There are many reasons why I am wanting to jump ship- but for the sake of "I don't owe anyone an explanation" ,I will leave it at that. God knows, and to Him I shall answer. 'Nuff said. But, every time I start to get myself out there and accept interviews, a little voice inside my head says, "Wait". I got to be honest; if I wait much longer I am not going to have the money to pay for the gas to get to work. One could say I am in a Pickle.
     I want to obey my God. I want to do what He is telling me to do; but darn, I am scared to death! If I follow what I believe His voice is telling me to do- then I need to sit back and trust in Him to provide for me. Within me there is a promise that if I keep my commitment to where I am, He will bestow abundance on me when we get to the other end. I just have to trust Him, and "Wait".
    From any other perspective, one would tell me to pursue another job, get a second job- fill in the gaps. Trust me, I have thought of them all. But it always comes back to "Wait". A very peaceful wait at that. The perspective He is teaching me to have is His. Don't look to man anymore. Look to Him. Men will always disappoint me and let me down; it doesn't matter if its your family member; co-worker, boss or spouse. Human beings disappoint other human beings. Yes, this job is barely getting me through; but God is providing for me in so many other ways.
    For instance, I have been praying to Him for a bike. (All prayers and supplications to Him- yes, even a bike. There is nothing wrong with material blessings; as long as we know to whom they belong.) The other night our neighbor offered me hers. She said it was just sitting around and I could have it if I wanted. I was over joyed! You do not understand how much I love riding bikes. The most exciting part of it all was that He answered my prayers. He saw my desire, and because He delights in  me and I in Him, He gave me what I asked for. I asked, I believed, He gave, I received. It really is that simple.
    This is how I can also know that I can trust Him to get me through to the other end. This is how I know that if I listen and I "wait"- walking obediently to His Word, He will continue to delight in me and I will continue to delight in Him. What greater motivation do I need? He knows the why's, the how's, the who's, the what's and the where ever's.  He knows the way, I sure don't. I am blind, but through Him I see. Amen.
     I may be crazy and like Noah, building a boat in a world where it has never rained. I may be totally and completely deceived. Or, I could be walking worthy of the path He has prepared for me, and finally getting out of this pit I have dug for myself. I don't know about you, but I think that is enough for me. I will wait. Amen.
(***After writing the above- I thought about my words, and I want to add, before you get any father along, what I believe needs to be said. "On a side note; I do want to add that I have not been perfect, nor have I walked in integrity every day at this job. So, perhaps I am being told to "Wait" because I need to go around this mountain again. This time; His way. I still have lessons to learn- so I will wait."**)

(**Written 6/26/19) 

     When we accept the wait; we begin to understand why He has us waiting. I need to be here. I need to be right where I am, because His work in me is not yet complete. No, it makes no sense to me; but here I am; right where I need to be. It's the only way I m every going to succeed; I have to lay it all down and let Him hold my seat.
     I know what I need to do; I know what He is showing me to do- I need to do it. Stop trying to bargain with God- it never ends in anything but destruction. Abraham's pleading saved 3 (Lot and his two daughters) but the cities with thousands of people in them where left in rubble and the stench of death. Sin will always stink. Abraham (I think) learned that in the end; God's will- it will be done. Stop making promises to God you never intended to keep. You are flesh- He is Almighty God. You are not trustworthy; but He is. No more excuses my friend, get it right or destruction is your end.
    I think hell would be like living a miserable life over and over again. No matter how hard you try you can't ever attain to the secret desire of your heart. You start to climb for it, only to fall and be hurt again. I don't know about you, but that sounds like the life I am living right now! Praise God it doesn't have to be!
     One thing I am learning is that God gives us the rope of Grace to get out of the pit; but we have to put the work in and climb. He will light the way as we climb, warning us of slippery spots, weak spots, anything that may hinder our climb; but we still have to climb. I said to my roommate the other night, and didn't realize how true the statement was until today; "Nobody is going to do it for me." Not even God. He has already given me"....all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:"  (2 Peter 1:3 KJV)  It's up to me to use them. Stop making excuses and start the climb.
     No, I am not particularly fond of the circumstances and situation I find myself in; but I got no one to blame but myself. God did not put me in the pit. I ran ahead and thought I could ride without Him. I am where I am at this very moment because I put myself here. But, look up my friend! He is above you, calling for you to grab hold of the rope and trust Him. Are you going to grab the rope? Choice is yours; the choice is mine. I think I am going to climb.
    I am beginning to see the beauty in waiting. God my Father knows my heart; He knows my secret dreams. He knows the desires of my heart, and He wants nothing more than to fulfill those in me. not because of anything I can do, but because He has chosen to shine His light of grace upon me. All I have to do is believe.
     It might look crazy to the world outside, and it may even look crazy to my human eyes; but today I am going to grab the rope of grace in faith and trust the way He is taking me. Let's face it;  I have a lot to work out in me, there is a lot of flesh still hanging off of me, making it hard to climb. I got to learn to crawl, pull myself up, and balance before I can walk. Be patient, not only with God and others, but with myself- with me.
     Trust that God knows what He is doing. He knows me better than I know myself. Remember what Paul wrote- "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." ((1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)   He will show you your true self and you will see as He sees. You will begin to climb a little quicker and a little easier. But, you have to trust that He is teaching you and leading you the right way. The Teacher never asked if we liked His style of teaching- He only asked for us to follow Him because He knew the way.
      Think about it- God the Father knew of no other way to prove His love, prove His faithfulness to us other than by sacrificing Himself. What more do you need? If Jesus was just a great prophet, then explain to me how an ordinary man could endure such excruciating pain, even death for the hope that someone would believe and follow Him. Men and women die everyday for 'causes" for "religion" but who would truly be willing to endure what Jesus endured for someone who spit on Him, mocked Him and sentenced Him to death; just in the hopes that they would believe in Him? But, we know that it was "for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame" (Hebrews 12:2 KJV) 
      Jesus was 100% God and 100% man. He battled the temptation of the flesh (Hebrews 12:4, "even to blood, striving against sin) yet for your sake He resisted in the hope (faith) that He who promised was faithful to fulfill it. (Hebrews 11:11) Stop making excuses. Let your pride go. There is no better way, trust me, I know. He is truly the only way, the only truth, and the only life. Let your Father teach you how to climb, or ride, or even fly. When it's time, He will let you go and you and He will soar together for an eternity; enjoying the blessings of His glory and grace. I don't know about you; but that is enough for me. Amen?