Chapters of My Life: Patient Faith

     Why do I worry? Lately I find myself worrying about everything. I am worrying about this, and that; what might happen, what might not happen. It causes me to have some pretty sleepless nights lately. I toss and turn and have no peace. But yet, even though I have these uneasy thoughts, doubts; worries on my mind, there is a sense of peace on the inside of me. A peace because I know my God is with me, and He is working on my behalf. I just have to be patient.
     This morning, during my devotion time, I prayed and talked with my God about the worries on my mind. I laid them all out before Him and asked Him to help me, I really needed Him right now. I began reading in Psalms, but for some reason, the word "Faith" kept popping into my mind. One scripture came to mind, so I turned the pages of my Bible and landed on Hebrews 11:1.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." 

     Faith is an assurance, a confidence in something that is hoped for. It is a knowing deep on the inside of us that no matter what happens, we know without a doubt that God has spoken and it will come to pass. But what I am struggling with is having assurance that what I am hoping for will come to pass. That is why I am worried. That is why I have not been able to rest as God my Father tells me to rest. The thing that makes me stumble into worry is a lack of confidence. A lack of confidence in my God and His Word to me. 

     In verse 3 of Hebrews 11 we are told that "By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible." I believe that God created the world, that everything that is made was made by Him. (Genesis 1:1) He spoke it and it came into being. I have no doubt about that. So, if I don't doubt God's ability to create the world into being with a Word, why do I doubt His Word over my life? 

     Think about Noah, and Abraham, and all the other men and women who are our examples of faith in the Bible. Think about all the things they went through and all the ways God brought them through. Why am I so uncertain that God doesn't have the  ability to overcome my mistakes? Abraham led his wife down to Egypt and told her to lie. God still protected Sarai and made sure Abraham knew what he did was wrong. Yet God still fulfilled His promises to them both.(Genesis 12) All throughout the Bible we read that "by faith" these men and women believed the promises that God gave them, so why can't I? 

     Life is tough for me right now, I admit it. I keep praying and I keep hoping and I am trying to walk by faith; but here I am, worrying about many things. I know there is a purpose to all that I am going through right now, and I am learning a lot about myself in the meantime. I am making mistakes, to be sure, but I have this peaceful knowledge that no matter what happens it will all work  out for the good. (Romans 8:28) Yet, I still find myself worrying. It's like I finally have a moment of peace, when here comes worry knocking on my door; sticking around like an unwanted house guest. Instead of letting her take up residence, I need to kick her to the curb. 

     I am learning that each one of us have our own walks to walk. God has a purpose and a plan for my life; that much I know and am assured of every day. My problem is I don't want to walk it out in patient faith. I want Him to make it happen now. I don't understand why I have to wait for the plan to unfold. I don't understand why He makes me wait. I am like the little girl in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" Violet Beauregarde, stomping her feet and pitching a fit. Why can't you just give me what I want now, Father? I want it now. I don't want to wait. 

Violet Beauregarde

     But that is not how God works. Instead of worrying about when, where, why and how, I need to focus on the here and now. What has He asked me to do today? What has He given me to walk today? The future, no matter how hard we try, does not come any sooner than God says it will. There are 24 hours in a day, there always have been and there always will be. We can't make the sun rise, and we can't make the sun set. But we can trust the One who does. 

     Hebrews 11: 6 tells us that "without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him." (ESV) The men and women in Hebrews 11 struggled too. They wandered in the wilderness, even doubted that they were hearing from God. Noah was ridiculed for his faith, Abraham was tested in his faith when God told him to go and sacrifice his promised son. We read about Sarah who gave birth  to her first child when she was "past the age". She waited and hoped and even doubted (remember she laughed in her tent when she overheard the King of Salem say she would have a child (Genesis 18:12 ESV) But God, in spite of her unbelief, still fulfilled His promises to her. 

     This gives me much hope, and encourages me to keep pressing on, no matter how hard things get. It may not happen tomorrow, and it may not happen a month from now; but faith does not exist in time, faith exists with God and is from God. He exists in eternity. Peter reminds us of this when he tells us not to "overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." (2 Peter 3:8 ESV) God my Father is not in a hurry, why am I? 

     The reason I am worried is because things are not moving as fast as I thought/ hoped they would; but they are moving. I am going to make mistakes, I am going to fall, just as all the men and women of faith who have gone before me did- but that doesn't mean it's the end. It just means I have to get back up and try again. I have to have patient faith. If God spoke it and I believe He spoke it, then trust in His word and stop trying to make it happen for Him. Let Him do what He needs to do to make the way for me. I need to do what I know He is telling me to do and walk it- patiently. 

     It is not going to be easy. Just like it wasn't easy for Abraham to bind his son to the altar to sacrifice him to God. Just like it was not easy for Noah to build an ark, or for Moses to go back to a people that had turned their back on him. God never promised easy, but He does promise eternity. Worry comes when I get impatient with God. I get frustrated because things are not going as I planned, therefore something has to be wrong, I have to be wrong. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with me, and nothing wrong with God. Nothing I do, if I walk in faith, can displease God, because His Word says that I can't please Him any other way, no matter how hard I fall, or how many times I have to get back up. 

     Instead of letting my mind worry, I need to be patient and trust that this is the way God has prepared for me; all I have to do is walk in it. Patient faith is not easy, and it doesn't happen overnight. But, when I choose to be patient and trust in His timing, worry will finally pack her bags and get out of my house. He has prepared this day for me, now, walk in it. Amen?