Chapters of My Life: Walk By Faith

          A new day, new mercy, new grace and new life; Great is His faithfulness. Trust me when I say, I am the last person on earth who deserves any of His mercy, grace and newness of life! Paul was right, I am the chief of sinners! But Praise be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord, whom He raised up to be Lord of all! Praise God He is faithful, no matter how far this sheep wanders!

          One thing I have learned (actually I have learned a lot over the past two years, and none of the lessons have been easy!) but the most important lesson I have learned recently is- I have to have faith. Faith in Him and Him alone. Of course, we as Christians “know” we have to have faith. We had to have faith when we believed on Jesus Christ and He became our Savior, otherwise, we are impostors and not true believers! We know we have to have faith, but do we understand that to “have faith” means we have to walk it as well? This is the lesson this wayward woman has learned. I have to “Walk by Faith and not by Sight”.     

          My mother was the head of our home. She was strong willed, determined and very independent. She pushed me and my sister to be the same way. Me, however, being the stubborn sheep that I am, could not understand why she pushed me the way she did. But God did. He knew the mother I needed to bring me to this place I am today. He knew exactly what I needed to shape me, mold me, and make me into the woman He desires. I thank God for my mom daily!

          Let me write out for you the valley God has brought me through and is still walking me through; and let me, by His mercy, share the insight He has given me so far. I pray it inspires you to have faith in Him and trust His timing for everything.
Let me write out for you the valley God has brought me through and is still walking me through; and let me, by His mercy, share the insight He has given me so far. I pray it inspires you to have faith in Him and trust His timing for everything.

          I was in a sinful relationship. As a Christian, I knew better; but as a scared, alone, fleshly woman carried about by her various lusts, I fell into sin. But God, who is rich in mercy, had a purpose and a plan for it all. We have to believe, without a doubt, that “All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes.” (Romans 8:28)

          This relationship was tumultuous. We fought, broke up, got back together; broke up again, I went back to Iowa, only to find myself back with him- again. It was an endless cycle of love and hate, affection and conflict. I would find myself crying out to God for a sign every time we would fight. I would beg Him to show me something; anything. One day, I asked Him to cause a Cardinal to land on the carport if I was to stay, and if I was to go- a sparrow. Nothing. Another time, I prayed and asked Him to cause a bird to land in the birdbath if I was to leave and be alone. Nothing. Then one day, out of the blue it happened. I was given my sign.

        

My Rainbow

   We had just gotten into a fight. I kicked him out and made him move into an apartment that was in the back of the house. That night, as I was sitting on the front porch, reading His Word, and praying to Him for peace, a rainbow appeared in the sky. There was no rain that day- in fact, there hasn’t been much rain at all in that part of North Carolina. For a Rainbow to appear like that- that was rare, and without a doubt- it was God. I knew then that was my sign. I was not where I belonged. I didn’t realize it at first. I thought God was showing me that we were on the right path by separating ourselves from the sin and working towards a godlier foundation. But that was not the case.

          A few days after this, we got into another fight. Things went from bad to worse and I left the house. I got in my car and I drove. That is when God showed me that the sign I had been praying for had appeared. He showed me that through the whole relationship He has been trying to get my attention. Not just in this relationship, but in my marriage of 23 years. He showed me that everything I was praying for was right in front of me, all I had to do was take a step of faith and know (be confident) that nothing happens outside of His will. (That my friend, is faith. Confidence in Him) I was His and only His, and as His Bride, there were no more excuses. I had to come home and leave the sin. That peace I sought, was found and is only found in Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

          Solomon tells us in Ecclesiastes that everything has a season, and a purpose under heaven. We know that God is Sovereign, He is all powerful, all knowing, all seeing, and nothing is outside of His control. He IS God. Period. We know this, but do we believe it? Do we walk it, or do we just speak it? Are we sincere when we say- God is God?

          Nothing happens outside His will. Did you catch that? Nothing. He knows our thoughts before we think them, (Psalm 139) so why do we assume that He can’t see our sins before we commit them? If nothing happens outside His knowledge, and He knows the beginning of your life from Eternity past all the way to eternity future; why do we think if we sin, we are outside His will? His Will is His All-Powerful Knowledge and His Will is never apart from His Sovereignty. If He is Sovereign, then nothing, and I mean nothing is apart from Him. He knows all, sees all and still He loves us. There is nothing hidden from His sight. Oh, yea of little faith!         

          Let’s think about the Prodigal Son. He left his Father’s house and chose to go and live a sinful life. What happened? (Remember, it says he was living and abiding in his Father’s house. We as Christians are living and abiding in our Father’s house- we are His temple.) Did consequences happen by chance that made him turn around and come home? No, he spent all his money and famine came across the land. Who caused the famine? Was it a coincidence that famine happened, or was it God the Father causing his son to suffer the consequences of his choices? Until we truly understand what it means to suffer the consequences of our sins, there cannot be true, sincere repentance before God. It is not possible because the Bible teaches us that God is not mocked; whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap, and God cannot go against His Word.
          God knew the path his son was choosing, but He never stopped him from leaving, and he never stopped pursuing him. He allowed his son to be tested, tried and taught the consequences of his sins. (Much like when God allowed Job to be tested by the enemy). God will try your faith to see if you are sincere. He will hold us accountable for every idle word we speak- everyday; not just when we get before Him, but every single day. God allowed His son to leave and allowed him to learn, because He could see from “afar off” His son coming home. And what did God do?  He ran to his son and took him back under His wings once again. I am the prodigal daughter, and I have returned. But this time, it’s different; this time, Lord willing, it’s for good.

          God has been teaching me that I had little faith because I allowed the enemy to woo me away into sin. He has shown me what His purpose and plans are for me, He has been showing me all along. But; oh, me of little faith, couldn’t see it. I am a pretty dumb and blind sheep sometimes!      

        When I was around 6 or 7 years old, my mom decided the whole family had to convert to Catholicism, and since she was the head of the house, we did it without argument. To convert to Catholicism, you have to go through Catechism and then you can go before the priest, get anointed with oil so you can receive holy communion. However, you have to be older than I was at the time, so I hadn’t been through Catechism yet.          

          Our priest was getting up there in the years and since I was young, I had to stay with my mom, so I did what they did. I kneeled down beside my sister, since I was the youngest. The priest went down the line; my dad, mom, sister, and then me. He anointed me with holy oil, prayed a blessing over me and I received my first communion. My mom tried to stop him, but it was too late- I was anointed, and had partook of the Lord’s Supper. (I still had to go through Catechism though, much to my displeasure!) But what I remember the most about that day is this sudden desire to become a nun. I used to tell my mom that I was going to join the convent as soon as I was old enough. Well, let’s just say sin looks a whole lot more fun as a teenager than a convent. But God….        

          So now, at the age of 45 I have figured out what He has been trying to tell me all these years. I am His. Nothing more, nothing less. I am truly and completely His. Oh, what joy this truth brings this broken heart! I am His! I know what my purpose is, and I know the calling which He has called me to. I pray to God my Father that He who began this good work in me will complete it in Christ Jesus my Lord!

          One of the first scripture verses God wrote upon my heart as a new Christian, was Isaiah 54:5. “For your Maker is your Husband, The Lord of Hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.” I am the Bride of Christ. I am His beloved, and He is mine. That is enough for me.

          I know what you are going to say- I have heard it before; you never know, God could bring someone into your life. That may be true; but God alone is the only one I will serve. He is my head, and in Him I will trust. The last thing I want, or need is a relationship with someone other than Jesus Christ. All that is important is my relationship with Him, nothing else in this life will have peace if I don’t have it with Him first. A single woman seeks to please her Lord, and that is good enough for me.

          So, here I go, on my journey to meet my Husband and my King. If God so chooses, then I will write it down and you can follow along with me. I pray God will use these chapters of my life to inspire you to walk by faith and not by sight. It’s easy to fall, trust me- I know; that is why God tells us to guard our hearts and give Him our soul. He has walked this way before- we just have to believe. I am not alone, for He is always with me.

          Have Faith. Believe EVERY word written in His Holy Scriptures. Walk it, pray it, know it and speak it to yourself every single day. We do not live by bread alone, but by EVERY word that proceeds from the mouth of God. He has never let you go- stop wandering my friend, and just come home!

          May God be praised through Jesus Christ our Lord who has made us free from the power of sin and death! Great is His Faithfulness, and worthy of All Praise! Amen and Amen.