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I am struggling
with thoughts, desires and carnal appetites that I know are against the Lord my
God. They assault me. They come out of nowhere. They surround me and attack
from behind, and flank me on all sides. There is a war within me; a war between
what I know God wants for my life and what I want for my life. There is a
battle being fought for my soul, and in the depths of my being I am afraid that
I am going to lose it all. I am afraid the enemy, my flesh, will win and sin
will take hold of my life once again. But I must not give up; I must not give
in. I must fight. I must pick up my sword, I must wield the powerful weapon I
have been given and stand up once more to this enemy of my flesh.
There
have been some hard-fought battles in my life over sin. I have fought the
battle of addiction, adultery, hate and even fear. I have fought the battle of
finances, sickness and even death. I have taken up my armor time and again and
the Lord my God has been right there; leading me, protecting me and fighting
for me. He has given me the power of prayer, the sword of the Spirit, and the
breastplate of righteousness. He has girded my loins with truth and shod my
feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace. (Ephesians 6:11-13). He has
been my shelter when the storms were too strong for me to bear. He has been my righteousness
when the enemy brought on a full-frontal attack. He has always been there,
ready to defend me, ready to fight for me and ready to forgive me when I
cowered in fear. The Lord my God has fought my battles, and He has always won.
But
this war, this war that rages in me today is like no other I have ever faced.
It is my greatest and strongest foe yet. It is the war between my flesh and the
Holy Spirit of God which lives and moves and breathes within me. This is a war
that does not come from without, it is a war that is within. We all face this
battle of self. Every single day we wake up to the knowledge that our flesh
wants what it wants and our God calls us to something divine, something
different, something completely opposite of the nature that lives inside. This
is a battle I fight, and I lose, and I start all over again.
“For those who live
according to the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh, but those who
live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.” Romans
8:5 ESV
When
I was pregnant with my son, all I wanted was mashed potatoes and pumpkin bread.
I craved it morning, noon and night. (My son, bless his heart, still to this
day cannot eat either one of these foods.) I had mashed potatoes for breakfast.
I would eat a loaf of pumpkin bread at dinner, and go back for more potatoes in
the middle of the night. I do not know why I craved these things, but I did. I
had a hunger so strong for them that I did whatever I had to do to feed that
hunger till I was satisfied. What I hungered for is what I sought out.
The reality
of life is that we will, as long as we are in these bodies, have a war between
the Spirit and the flesh. The flesh is against God. Sin does not want to do the
will of God. Sin wants to do what sin wants to do. It wants to feed its lusts
on self, passions and carnal desires that lead to death; total separation from
God. It hungers for more of self. If you feed that, you will live in a life of
sin and death. The more I feed the flesh, the more it will crave, and the
harder it will be for me to overcome the hunger pains. But if I feed the Spirit,
will I then crave the things of the Spirit? Yes, I believe so.
When
I was a new believer, just a few months old, I had a hunger and I thirst for
God that rivaled my hunger for mashed potatoes! I could not get enough of His
Word, His presence, or His people. I spent every waking hour reading, studying
and being in His presence. I loved being in Church on Sunday’s. I got excited
to serve the Lord in any capacity I could. There was a hunger and thirst in me
that was insatiable. I was like a little kid in a candy store when it came to
His Word. I just could not get enough, I wanted it all, I wanted all of Him. I
would not listen to worldly music. I would not watch TV. I read all that I
could get my hands on. If it had to do with God, His Word and His Son, Jesus
Christ, I read it. I closeted myself away into a life that was surrounded by
God and God alone. I was on fire for my Lord.
What
happened to that hunger and thirst? I have asked myself this question many
times over in the past couple of weeks. The truth is, I have been feeding my
flesh. I have been seeking out things that I desire, that my flesh is craving.
Things like success, wealth, status, passion, acceptance, fame, and even
lustful desires have become a part of my life once again. I know this because
His word has shown me the reasons for the struggles I am facing and for this
battle in my life today. I have been feeding my flesh, and not the Spirit. I
have once again begun to hunger and thirst for things that are not of Him and
are of the flesh.
Paul
writes to us in Romans that if we set our minds on the things of the flesh, we
will find ourselves living in the flesh. When we set our minds to something, we
turn our attention and focus to it. We start to mold and shape our lives around
what it is we think and feel. When I craved mashed potatoes, what did I do? I
sought them out and ate till I was filled. The same is true of our flesh. For
instance, we desire to have success in our businesses or in our ministries. We will
start to crave it and we will start to focus our attention on getting it. We will
mold and shape our lives around things that will bring these desires to
fulfillment. We start to take steps that we know are not God approved. We start
to justify our thoughts and our actions. We start to walk towards people and
attitudes we know will lead us to sin and death. What we crave is what we will
walk to.
The same
is true of the Spirit. If we set our minds on the things of the Spirit, then we
will begin to live in the Spirit. “If
then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where
Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are
above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is
hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:1-3) If my focus in on me, my
wants, my desires, my cravings, then I am going to be in opposition to God. I
am going to struggle every single day and I am going to lose every single day.
I am not saying that we won’t struggle if we turn our focus on the Spirit, we
will. Read Romans 7; the battle is real, and the struggle is constant. But we don’t
have to feed it. We don’t have to feed the cravings that we have. We can resist
them. We can have small victories every day over the enemy of our flesh. We can
conquer the cravings of self, little by little. The battle won’t be won until
we are with the Lord our God in glory. But in the meantime, He has given us the
tools and the weapons we need to fight today, to win today.
We
must be willing to put away those things in our lives that lead us into sin and
death. There are temptations surrounding you right now that the Lord has shown
you to cut off, to put to death, to cast away. They could be a friend that always
leads you to do things you know God would not approve of. It could be the books
you are reading, the television shows you are watching, or perhaps the music
you are listening to. These are distractions meant to turn your attitude, and
your thoughts away from Christ; and we know that our thoughts will lead our
actions.
What
we crave is not always what is best for us. What we want is not always what God
wants for us. I want a successful business that will grow and become a nationally
recognized name in the pet industry. But is that what God wants for me? I am
learning that just because I crave something, doesn’t mean I should seek it out
and devour it. My son is paying the price for my hunger pains to
Perhaps
you are like me today and struggling with the flesh that wants what it wants. I
have been fighting this battle since the day I became a Christian, and the fact
of the matter is, I will be fighting it until the day I leave this earth. But,
I do not have to be under its power. I do not have to lose every single day. I
can fight and I can win. I can stand today in the power of His Spirit and put
away those things that feed the enemy and begin to feed my spirit. I can choose
to pick up His word instead of the remote. I can choose to put down that work
of fiction and pick up a work of His word. I can choose to turn the radio
station to one that preaches Him. I can choose to deny myself today, or I can
choose to feed it. Either way, if I live for the flesh, I will die in my flesh.
But if I live for the Spirit, then I will live in peace. The battle can be won,
we just have to want to win it. Amen?
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