Excerpt from "Winning Him Without A Word- Learning to Love and Live with an Unbelieving Husband." Stephane Singletary
Chapter 10- One
Mind
“Finally,
all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers,
be tenderhearted, be courteous,” 1 Peter 3:8
My husband and I were struggling in
our marriage. I was struggling with his lack of faith and he was struggling
with my faith. There was constant tension in our home. He was always fussing at
me about our household finances. He saw the glass half empty; I saw the glass
half full. I believed that God could move mountains and provide all our needs,
he saw only the low balances in our checking account and the numerous bills
that came each month. He saw no way out except through hard work and cutting
expenses. This created a constant battle in our marriage.
One day, during a prayer group I
belonged to I poured out my heart to my fellow sisters. I told them of the
struggle we were having and asked for prayer, for myself and my husband. One of
my sisters took my hand and said, “Make what is important to him important to
you.” She explained that our husbands, no matter where they are in life, need
us to recognize what is important to them, and we, as Christian wives need to
respect whatever that may be. Her words cut me to the core. I knew that
finances were important to my husband. All our years of marriage, the majority
of our arguments came from the issues of money and bills. My husband was raised
to be a provider in the home, to take care of his family; it has been ingrained
into his very being. I needed to make finances important to me, because they
were the one thing that was most important to him.
Peter tells us that we are to be of
“one mind” with our husbands. Some translations have the word “likeminded”.
What is important to your husband? Is it finances? Is it his career? Whatever
it is, we must, as Christian wives, align ourselves with them and make what is
important to them, important to us. I never took the time to sit down with my
husband and do our finances, my glass half full attitude only made the
situation worse. He saw negative, I saw Jehovah Jirah, the God who provides
when it came to our finances. My husband who did not believe in God, let alone
that God would provide caused more tension in our marriage than we needed. It
was not until I aligned myself with his thinking that I was able to understand
his reasoning in regards to the importance he put on every dime spent in our
home.
Paul tells us how to align ourselves
with our husband in Philippians 2:3. We are to “let nothing be done through
selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others
better than himself.” We are to esteem our husbands better than ourselves. This
means that we are going to have to let go of what we want and pick up what they
desire. This means that we are going to have to let go of the struggle to be
right. Your husband needs to see Jesus. He needs to see the light of the gospel
of grace in his life. When we allow our wants and our needs get in the way of
his, we block out the light of Jesus.
Jesus laid down all that He had for
you, and for your husband. He was willing to put on sinful flesh because you
were important to Him. Your husband needs to see that example lived through
you. You may not agree with the way he sees the household finances, you may be
a glass half full and he may be a glass half empty personality, but there has
to be a change if we are to be of “one mind” with them. When we desire a
situation to be resolved or to be better, we have to be the first ones willing
to change. This is hard to do, take it from someone who understands and has
walked this way before, it won’t be easy.
Paul tells us that we are to esteem
others better than ourselves. What he is saying is that we are to hold up above
our own desires the desires and dreams of others. When I began to lay down my
ideals and opinions of our household finances and took my husband’s ideas and
opinions to heart, there began to be a change. He saw that I no longer wanted
to change him to my way of thinking, and he began to see that I respected his
opinions and we were able to talk about the budget without getting into a huge
argument. I no longer looked down on his
thoughts, but now I began to lift them up and align myself with them.
This does not mean that you are not
entitled to your opinions, nor does it mean that you must become a door mat for
his dreams. What Peter is telling us, what Paul is telling us is that we are to
consider one another; we are to be like Christ towards our husbands. Christ
thought of you above all others when He laid His life upon that cross. He was
willing to put it all to death for you. All He asks is that we be willing to do
the same for our husbands. Make what is important to your husband important to
you. Be of one mind with him, united as one in whatever it is that he asks of
you. Paul goes on to say in Philippians 2:4 that we should not look out only
for our own interests, but also for the interests of others. You may think your
husband’s dreams are silly, but to him they are his dreams. Christ was willing
to sacrifice it all because He thought so highly of you. Be like Christ to your
husband; make what is important to him, important to you. Be united in the same
mind, and let the Lord God shine through your heart to his.
Peter is not telling us that we
should align ourselves with our husbands in their sins, but in their hopes and
dreams. A Christian wife is called to come alongside her husband, to be his
help-meet, to encourage him, love him and respect him. We cannot be a help-meet
to them if we do not have the same mind with them. If you go all the way back
to Genesis 2:24 the Lord God speaks to us and tells us that “a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one
flesh.” We are one with our husbands, we are united to them in marriage and our
minds should be united with them in life.
Being of one mind means that we no
longer fight against them, but we now agree to fight alongside them. Your
unbelieving husband needs to see and experience Christ Jesus for himself. He
needs to see the sacrifice of Christ, and it all begins with you. Esteem him,
love him, and respect his desires and dreams. They are a part of who he is, and
you are a part of him. Make what is important to him, important to you. You
don’t have to agree with it, all you have to do is give him the respect he is
due.
Pray and ask the Lord to align your
mind with your husband. Pray and ask for His strength as you walk this next
step out before your husband. Give thanks to God for the man he has placed in
your life, and ask for the Lord to reveal his heart to you so that you may lift
him up and be the wife that God has called you to be. In Jesus Name, Amen and
Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment