My mind is swimming. Swimming with doubts, fears, worries and I don’t know what to do about any of them. I am at a loss. Life has tossed me into an ocean of loneliness with waves of reality crashing against me, dragging me down. Yet, there is this fire in me, this ember of hope, that keeps me from going under.
when I was a young girl; my dad and I used to go seining for fish bait. There was a farmer who had a shallow creek and some ponds on his property that were usually good for catching bait. My dad would be on one side of the creek, and I would be on the other, holding the net tight as we walked against the current. Every so often we would pull the net up and take it up to the bank. In it would be crawdads (or crayfish/crawfish- whichever pronunciation you choose); all sorts of small fish and lots of debris.
We’d sit on the bank and pick through what was there. The good went into the bait buckets, and the rest went into the field behind us. My dad would never keep anything under a certain size. We’d have a baby crawdad caught up in the net, and dad would put him back in the water. He always said that we needed to let the little ones grow and get big, so we can catch them again.
I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my lifetime during those days with my dad. I learned you’ve got to pick through the net of life, that which is good- you keep; what’s bad you toss. But don’t forget to return the little ones, those small moments in life where there was a lesson to learn but we missed it. Return those back so the next time we catch them we will be ready for them.
All that I am going through these past six months has taught me so much about myself, my life and the way I live it. I have learned that dreams and goals are tangible, and we must never lose hope. But I’ve also learned that those dreams and goals have many roads leading to them- its up to us which ones we choose to travel.
Do you ever ask yourself- “What the hell are you doing?!?” I will be thinking about something and realize that I’m being ridiculous! I am an over-thinker. I over think, over analyze, over the top make up stupid crap in my head kind of over-thinker. It is one of my greatest obstacles to the life I want. But I am learning to overcome, to recognize it and change it.
There is nothing wrong with dreams, with visions of what you want your future to be. Those are good. That’s what affirms that purpose, the reason we were created. But we must discipline ourselves to be realistic as well. Dreams give us purpose, a direction; but we cannot let the emotion and passion for those dreams cloud our rational thought.
We must train our minds to keep the good and toss the bad. Face the trials head on. Stand and learn from them. You were meant to be strong; fierce and full of power and hope. What you are facing at this very moment will grow you, teach you, humble you and bring you one step closer to your dream destination.
Besides, it is what it is, you can’t control what comes into your net, you can only control what stays there. Stand, fall, learn- repeat. Welcome to life.