Father, here I am before You, once again with my willful and rebellious heart, my idols hanging around my neck and a heart that says it loves you but is not fully surrendered. That’s who I am before You, a woman who says she loves You, a woman who desires to serve You, to be fully and completely filled with Your Holy Spirit, a woman who desires to disappear so that You may be in complete possession of me. Yet, I find myself battling You, striving against Your Spirit, justifying my actions, my thoughts, my wants and my desires. Why do you put up with me? Why are You even mindful of me? Am I kidding myself? Am I just going along my own path and not even knowing that You are with me? Why? Why can’t I seem to lay down these idols and devote all of me to all of You? What is holding me back? Show me, Lord, please, show me…..
Teach me integrity, teach me You. Father, there is nothing in me that is worthy to be kept, everything in me is sin, lies, deceit, all of me is tainted. I desire new, I desire You. Show me Your will, according to Your great mercy, show me Your purpose, Your calling, Your plan for this body You have given me. You have prepared this body for me before the foundations of the world. You have purposed me into existence. Show me what You desire to do with it. If I do not have You, then I have nothing…
Take me and make me Yours. Even if it kills me, even if I die, let nothing in me be me, let nothing of me be me. Let only You be seen. Whatever it takes Lord, no matter how hard it hurts, or how much I cry out for You to stop- don’t, don’t let me out of the fire until all that is of me is gone and all that’s left is You, fully and completely You. I bow my knees, my heart, my will before You. Put me in the fires of Your refining and let me not try to escape. Lock me in, and hold me tight. I desire You and You only in my life. Yes, You and You only. I do not deserve anything, not even the trials and the tests You give me, I do not deserve the suffering for nothing I have done is worthy. You alone are worthy. You alone are God, I am nothing…No matter what it takes, if I die, I die, all that matters is You. You only are my desire. Empty me of me and fill me with Your Holy Spirit till all that dross is gone and only You in all Your pureness remains. I come to do Your will, O Lord. Yes, Lord, chasten me severely. In Your most precious name, Amen and Amen.