I have found myself feeling distant from the Lord for a few weeks now. I read and study and the Word is open to me, but I have had this feeling that I wasn’t quite getting to the root of the problem. It was like something was in the depths of my heart and I could not find out what it was. I have been praying about this, pondering on it, and when I would speak to the Lord about it, I felt like I was not getting any response from Him whatsoever. This morning, there it was again, that feeling that I was missing something, that something was under the surface and needed to come out.
As I prayed, I found myself pouring out to the Lord my God these feelings. I asked Him why He was so far away lately, and what it was that was between us. In any relationship, when something is not dealt with, it can cause a distance to form between the two people. I have found this to be true in all of my relationships, but most of all in my relationship with the Lord. As I prayed, I realized that I had buried some hurts and had not dealt with them. I found that I was still holding onto some things that had happened, even though I was putting on a pretty good face that everything was wonderful. I had built some walls around my heart and was a little upset at the Lord for allowing certain events to take place. The distance I was feeling was not because of Him, but because of me, I had put the walls up, I had buried these emotions and hurts, and I had caused the rift.
There are going to be times in our walks with the Lord that we are going to be hurt, that we are going to be disappointed, (not by God- for God does not disappoint) but in our own expectations and desires, we can get too wrapped up and take a path the Lord did not mean for us to take. This can cause us to become hurt, and if we are not careful, bitter. Learning to be honest with myself and the Lord God is something I have found I am not always so good at. The Lord God knows the hearts of His children, He knows what you have buried down deep, the hurts you have placed walls around, and He is waiting for you to allow Him to break down the walls and give you the healing you so desperately need.
“Let us search out and examine our ways, and turn back to the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40.
The reason that there was a distance between me and the Lord was because I had distanced myself from Him. I had buried the hurt and the disappointment and then built some walls to protect myself from facing the truth. Jeremiah the prophet tells us to “search out and examine our ways”. What he is telling us is that when we find ourselves in these moments of distance, we need to investigate our hearts and see what is going on, what walls have we built, what hurts have we buried. We are to seek out the depths of our hearts before the Lord, allowing Him to shovel the dirt away and expose what is lurking under the surface.
I have allowed some hurts to take root, and I have built up some walls to protect these roots from exposure. I have not wanted to accept the pain of what has happened; I have not wanted to deal with the truth of what took place. It was much easier for me to bury the hurt than to allow the Lord to heal it. How silly we are sometimes, we would much rather hold onto the hurt than give it to the Lord our God who desires to heal us and make us new again. How much we hide and bury because we don’t want others to see our hurts, we only want them to see the side of us that makes us look more holy.
Honesty is the best policy, always has been and always will be. But we must not only be honest with one another, we must also be honest with ourselves and with our God. He already knows what is in our hearts; He sees the very depths of our beings. The more we try to cover up what is bothering us, the more we try to bury the hurt, the more distance we can put between our Lord and ourselves. If I were to hide something from my husband, it would eat away at me. I would have to make up ways to keep it hidden, I would have to find ways to hide the truth, and eventually it would cause a distance between us, and I would begin to avoid him, and sooner rather than later, we would find ourselves drifting apart. The same is true for our relationship with the Lord our God. The more we try to avoid the hurts and the issues of our hearts, the farther away we can drift from Him.
The Lord God wants us to spend some time each day letting Him pull down the walls we have built, pulling and digging away the buried hurts we have hidden so well. He does not want us to be deceived, He desires us to be honest, to live honest and to love Him with all sincerity and truth. It is hard to live before Him in sincerity and truth when we have hidden the scars and buried the hurts. Sooner or later we have to be truthful with ourselves and with our God, if we don’t then we will drift away, and we will be led down into the abyss of bitterness, which is as far away from God as one can get.
I want to encourage you all today to take some time with the Lord and give Him access to the hurts and the scars of your hearts. Let us be honest with ourselves and with our God, let us not put up a happy face when deep down inside we are hurt. Let us no longer pretend to be something we are not. Let us seek to live before the Lord our God, and our brothers and sisters in all honesty, when we hurt, let us allow Him to heal that hurt, and no longer build walls and dig trenches. If we could only open ourselves to the Love and the Grace that He desires to give to us, how beautiful the healing will be. He promises to take your hurts and give you beauty, let us trust in Him to do just that. In Jesus Name, Who was and is and is to come, amen and amen.