Proverbs 31:10-31 is one of my favorite parts of scripture. In this scripture we see the model wife. The woman that God loves, the woman that God desires all of us to be. I have read and studied many different books and views on the Proverbs 31 woman, and they all vary in their views. One view is that this is more than one woman, that it is a variety of women, all performing certain aspects of married life. I have to disagree with that view. This is one woman, and these verses were written for me and for you to model and to live as an example to our children.
We as women have so many things thrown at us from an early age. We are told we must be beautiful, that we must look and dress a certain way to be considered a beauty. We are told that we are to be independent and stand for ourselves, not to depend or rely upon a man. We are asked to become wives, mothers, sisters, servants, and so many other things in one day that sometimes we just want to go off into a corner and cry. We are told that in today’s society women are different, we no longer need a man to provide for us, to protect us, to love us; we can do that all on our own. But, in my opinion, that is what is wrong with the world we live in. We, as women, have let the world dictate to us what our marriages should look like, instead of God our Father, our Creator, who put marriage into place and gave us the example of a wife He desires in Proverbs 31.
“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.” Proverbs 31:10-11
When I read these words again, I see myself falling short. Am I a virtuous wife? Are you a virtuous wife? Is it possible for us to be the wife that is laid out before us in these 22 verses? Yes, I believe it is possible, if we are willing to become the women of Proverbs 31, the wife God intended us to be.
In the first verse, the question is asked, “Who can find a virtuous wife?” What this is asking is, “who can find a woman of integrity? A woman that means what she says, and says what she means. A woman that keeps her promises and her commitments, a woman that is full of strength, yet she is true to her God, her husband and herself. A woman that is honest with herself and with others. A woman whose worth is not in her own independence but is found in her walk with Jesus? Her worth is priceless, it is of eternal value. ” Who can find such a woman?
Being the Proverbs 31 wife does not mean that you won’t ever mess up. These 22 verses are laid out for us as an example, given to us to attain to a higher calling. We are to be women of value and purpose, of integrity and truth. How much better would our marriages be if we could learn to be the women and wives God desires us to be? When we put into practice the Word of God into our lives, change happens, it is inevitable. But we must apply what we learn, not only to our own walks, but to our marriages as well.
Verse 11 says that “the heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.” Your husband’s heart, his mind, will and understanding needs to trust you. He needs to feel confident and secure in the way you manage the household, the finances, and all the other areas of life that God has placed in your hands. Do you do this? I used to know a woman that liked to shop. She would carry a red Sharpie with her in her purse. When she bought an item, she would put a mark on the tag and write in a “cheaper” price. This way, when her husband asked her what she spent, she would show him the tags and it would make him less upset about her purchases. Instead of being a woman of integrity, she chose to deceive her husband and waste the provision he worked so hard for. Ladies, are you honest in your dealings with your husband? Do we gloss over or avoid those certain conversations with our husbands that we know will upset him? Do we avoid telling him the whole truth to save him the worry? Or do we do this to save ourselves from having to admit we have sinned against him? Every time we leave out the whole truth, we sin against our husbands and against our God. Your husband’s desire is to place all his worries and cares into your hands, and to have confidence in your integrity towards him. He needs to know, without a shadow of a doubt that you are honest at all times with him, never dealing falsely with him or towards him.
He desires to trust you, in every area of his life. Do we allow them to trust us? Or do we allow them to doubt us? This has been a hard one for me. My husband’s number one priority in life (after God) is our finances. They weigh heavily on his heart, and my mismanagement and nonchalant attitude towards them have caused more and more issues in our marriage then needed. I have allowed my lack of care for his priorities affect our marriage. Find out what is important to your husband, and make it important to you. Not sure what is important to him? Ask him. Let him know you want him to be able to trust you with and in these areas, and then walk it out before him.
In the movie, “Jerry McGuire” Tom Cruise turns to Renee Zellweger and says, “You complete me.” Even though this is just a line in a movie, it is so very true in our marriages. Our husbands need to safely trust, they need to have complete confidence in us, because they need us to complete them. God created us to complete those areas of our husband’s life that are lacking. It is vital for us to know and to understand our husbands so that we can complete them. Study your husbands, ladies. Study them, find out what they like and don’t like, what is important to them, what they need and what they love, then go and be that woman that God created you to be- his help meet. He needs to feel complete, and you are the only one that can fulfill that in his life.
He may not be the man that you thought he was, but I am pretty sure you are not the woman he thought you were either. Marriage is an ever changing relationship. When your children are young you and your husband have different roles which affect who you are. When your children get older and begin to move out, those roles change, so you have to change along with them. We are ever growing in the Lord Jesus, He is ever working in us and through us to make us into the women He wants us to be. He is working the same in your husband. We have to re-learn our husbands every day; we have to make a commitment to become the wife he needs, every day with every season.
For some of us, our husband’s are quiet and reserved, they do not like to speak openly about their feelings, so instead of talking to him about his needs- watch him. His words are as clear in his actions as they are in what he speaks. If your husband is a vocal man, and expresses himself well, talk to him, find out what makes him tick- and then do it. We all have been given a calling to be the wives that our husbands need, it is a high calling, and not all are up for the task. But, the Lord promises that when we begin to be who our husbands need, there will be no lack in his life or yours. He needs you, he desires you, and he wants you. That in itself should be enough to motivate us to become the Proverbs 31 wives God desires us to be.
May the Lord God bless you through His Word today. I pray for all the marriages that are being attacked right now. I pray that we, as women of God would step into the role of the Proverb 31 wife and be all that God desires us to be, for His glory and for our husbands. To Him be glory and honor now and forever, amen.