Monday, April 16, 2012

His Perfectness

This morning, as I was praying and asking the Lord God to speak to me, Psalm 139 came into my heart. You see, there is a desire of my heart that I am pretty positive the Lord has placed there. (He gives us the desires of our hearts- He places them within us) But the problem is that it has not happened yet. I mean, I think it is about to happen, or I think I see how He is going to make it come to pass, but then something happens, or someone says something that makes me doubt everything I thought to be true. This has been a great struggle of mine spiritually and physically for almost a year now. I will go from totally surrender to His will over the situation to taking it back into my hands and trying to make it happen. Back and forth, up and down, right to left, I am all over the place with this desire that is so deep within me that at times, I just want to quit, to give up on the whole dream, and let it die.  
Yesterday was a really bad day for me with this situation. I woke up at five in the morning and went and poured out to Him what was in my heart. I could not sleep at all because of the tossing and the turning in my head and my heart. I did not understand what He was doing. My question to Him was “Why?” I did not understand why there was this desire in my heart if He was not going to do something about it. I did not understand how He was going to work it out. And then, once again, I started to doubt His very words to me. I started to think that my heart was deceiving me, and that He really did not place this desire there.
Psalm 139 is a Psalm I have read and prayed many times. I have listened to it taught, I have read it and repeated it, encouraged others with it. This morning, in His perfect timing, it took on a new meaning to me, one that helped me see that the struggles I face are not in vain, nor are they worth the sleepless nights they are causing me. My bible titles Psalm 139 as “God’s perfect knowledge of man”. God’s perfect knowledge- that is very reassuring to me, because right now, I do not know which way is my left and which way is my right. The path that I am on seems to be taking too many twists and turns and I feel lost, alone and helpless. Not a place this control freak likes to be!
King David writes, “You have searched me and known me..” (Psalm 139:1) There is nothing in us, about us, or that happens to us that is hidden from our God. He has searched us out. He knows the very fibers of our beings, and He knows us. He has perfect knowledge of us. David goes on to say that God, “knows my sitting down and my rising up.” (vs. 2) God has the perfect knowledge of why I do the things that I do. He knows completely and perfectly the struggles I am going through. His knowledge of my situation is perfect. That is very reassuring to someone like me. He knows the motives of this wretched heart, and He “understands my thought afar off.” (vs.2) He sees the thoughts and intents of my heart, He knows what I am going to think even before I think it. I know it seems far –fetched, and for our human minds it is too much to comprehend, but the Lord knows your thoughts, He knows every detail of your day and He loves you, even when our thoughts and struggles are not in line with His perfect will for us. Even when we sin, when we think sinful things, when the motives and intent of our hearts are not godly, He loves us, He knows us, and He desires to use us. Pretty amazing if you ask me!
“You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways,” (vs. 3) I looked up the word, “comprehend”, because it intrigued me. Knowing the struggles that I have been going through in my spiritual life, this word jumped off the page at me. Comprehend means “to examine thoroughly, to spread out, to winnow”.  Jesus teaches us about winnowing His word. It was a term that most Israelites would have understood very easily. To winnow something meant to clear out all the chaff, all the weeds that were mixed in with the grain after harvest. A farmer back in the Old Testament and New Testament times would have known that “to winnow” was a farming term meaning to clear out anything that was not useful. The Lord God is winnowing out our lives as well. David says that He “comprehend my path” meaning that He is examining my path, my lying down; every aspect of my life is under the scrutiny of the Father. He will remove anything and everything that is not of Him. Just because the desire God has given me has not come to pass yet does not mean that it won’t happen, it just means that there are things, areas of my life that He has to “winnow” out first before He can do the work He desires to do.
The rest of verse 3 says, “You are acquainted with all my ways”. He has cleared the path, He is working on getting everything out of me that is not of Him, and nothing I do surprises Him. Did you know that? Did you know that no matter what you do, say, think, feel or act- it doesn’t surprise Him? My little temper tantrum yesterday morning did not take Him by surprise- why? Because He already knew I was going to have it. He has placed and prepared before each one us a path; He has cleared out everything that is in our way that will cause us to stumble. If we veer off the path, if we fall down while we are walking on it- He is not surprised or in shock, He is in perfect control of the outcome- no matter what.
Verse 4 tells us that, “there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it all together.” Even the very words I speak are perfectly known by Him. He sees my sins before I do, He knows my heart because He has created it, and He has formed it in His perfect knowledge of me. His knowledge of me is so intimate, so unique, so special, that nothing can happen to us that He does not allow. On this path that He has set before us, that we are all walking, there is not one stone, pot hole, turn, obstacle or surprise that He has not placed there for our good. (Romans 8:28) Later on in the Psalm David cries out, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made!” (vs. 14) Oh, how true that is! My life has been formed, and fitted specifically for me. He knows the path that I am on because He has prepared it, He has planned it, and He has given me the strength to walk it. Whether I choose to walk it or not, that He leaves up to me.
One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 2:10, “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which the Father has prepared beforehand that we might walk in them.” Ladies, there is no struggle, no trial, no issue that we face that the Lord God has not already worked out for us. We know this because David tells us in verse 5 that He “has hedged me behind and before, and laid {His} hand upon me.” He has placed us on a path that is protected and covered by Him. He will not let anything happen to us that He has not placed His seal of approval on. We may not understand what or why He is doing the things He is doing, but we can be confident in knowing that He has built a hedge up around us. In His perfect knowledge of you, He has designed your days for His purpose and for His pleasure. Not only is He protecting us, but He has “laid His hand upon us”. His perfect knowledge of us is in complete and prefect tenderness, love, and gentleness. The path that He has prepared for us is hedged in and with His tender hand He will lead us, and guide us. Just as our gentle Shepherd said He would.
My lesson for today was that no matter what is happening around me, no matter how grim the situation looks, no matter what- He has perfect and total control. In His love and His wisdom, in His perfectness I am walking. There is nothing that happens to us without reason or purpose. We can take comfort in the words He has given us today and we can rest in the perfect knowledge that He has of us. Even in the midst of our darkness, our struggles, our fears, our doubts, our trials and our pain, He holds us in perfect peace- because He has formed us and placed us right where we are. We are who we are, we are where we are, and we are because He is.

May the Lord God, Creator and Maker of all that is seen and unseen dwell in us today, and in our hearts. May our hearts sing out praises to You today oh Lord! Let us praise you for we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. In Jesus Name, Amen.