Sunday, December 10, 2017

The Battle Begins

               Troubled. Weak. Broken. Bitter. Angry. Sorrowful. Twisted. Hopelessness. Insecure. Scared. Worried. Frightened. Backed into a corner and I can’t find a way out. All these words describe me over the past three months. Day after day another fear, another doubt, another worry hits my life and I regress deeper and deeper into a pit of endless woes. I am not alone. I am not the only woman who has ever felt these things, nor am I the last woman who ever will. We have all faced these emotions, these feelings, these fears, these demons that plague us day after day. We are all human.
               A few months ago, I blogged about my divorce. I blogged about the struggle and the strength I was finding during all that had happened. I wish that I could say that it was better, that I have overcome the battle of these emotions and my faith in life and in God has grown stronger and fiercer. But I cannot. I cannot in all honesty say that I have overcome; because this battle is still raging, and has become an all-out war. I am fighting harder than I have ever had to fight in my entire life. There are days when I just want to give up. I want to throw up my hands and scream-

               But I take a deep breath, and I remember what I am fighting for. I am fighting for me. For the first time in my life I am taking a stand to live the life I want, I desire, and I deserve. I am fighting for a future, and a dream. A dream I have been chasing all my life. If I give up now, what good will that do me? What purpose will that serve me? What will I have accomplished if I give up now?
               “I want you to back yourself into a corner. Give yourself no choice but to succeed. Let the consequences of failure become so dire and so unthinkable that you’ll have no choice but to do whatever it takes to succeed.” Jordan Belfort, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
               I have made some decisions and choices in my life and in my business, that have backed me into a corner. All the worries, fears and anger that I have felt are a result of my own choices; my own decisions and my own thoughts. I have no one to blame for this corner, but myself. As I stand in this corner and I look at the battle that I have yet to fight- I find a strength rising from within. A determination to keep going. A determination to win at all costs- whatever it takes.
               I do not know how I will overcome. I do not know even if I will win the war, but the dream is worth fighting for. I cannot give up. My life, and my livelihood, depends on my ability to stand and fight. The consequences of failure that I am facing today are unthinkable; not because there is no light at the end of the tunnel, because there is. Unfortunately, that light is coming from the wrong direction. The direction I am going seems to have no end in sight. But I am confident that there is. And one day, I will be able to take this armor off, I will be able to put the weapons down and look back over the battlefield of my life and say- I did it. I fought and I won. It was bloody, but man, was it worth it!
               My mom was a strong and independent woman. She believed that we have the power within ourselves to overcome the struggles, the pain and the disappointments in life. She used to tell me all the time that whatever I set my mind to do, I could accomplish it. She did not live an easy life. She herself had struggles and fears, doubts and demons she faced daily. But she never gave up. She kept fighting for what she believed in. She kept fighting for what she wanted out of life, and in the end, as the cancer took over her body, she found peace. Not because she had won, but because she had fought. She fought life and all that it threw at her and her peace was in knowing that she never gave up.        
               I am not giving up. I may be down, but I am not out. I may not know how in the hell I am going to get out of this corner, but I am confident of one thing- I will not surrender. I will stand, I will fight, and I will do whatever it takes to succeed. I will do whatever it takes to live the life I dream of. I will no longer let the fear of failure overcome me. I may fail, but oh, what if I win?! I may not have a way out of this corner yet, but I am going to dust off these weapons of warfare and I am going to stand and fight. I will not let this life, nor the choices and decisions I have made overtake me. I will stand. I will fight. I will win. I will not give up. I will do whatever it takes to pursue the life I know- in the depths of my soul- I deserve. I hope that you, the woman who is reading this now, will find the fight within you and start to pursue the life you know you deserve.

               I believe we were put on this earth to be more than just humans living day to day. We were created to go beyond our boundaries, our comfort zones. We were created to be more than who we think we are. We are all destined to do great things. It is our own fear, failures and doubts that hold us back. Out of this struggle through divorce, building a business and chasing my dreams, I have found a new passion; a passion to encourage women. A passion for women to tap into the greatness within themselves and find the courage, strength and determination to be all that they were created to be. I encourage you, as a woman, as a human being, to follow me on my new blog- Empowering Greatness. Let us, together, take up these weapons we have been given and fight. We can and we will win. We are and we will Empower the Greatness from within.
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