I have been through a lot in my lifetime- let's face it- we all have. We have all experienced joys, sorrows, loss, death, divorce, happiness, laughter and tears. Every single one of us are born into this world with one desire- to love and be loved. We seek that love through relationships, through family, and friends. We seek it in the things we have and the things we want. Then life hits you with a blindside and you are knocked down to a place you never thought you would be. You find yourself struggling to understand it all, to understand what true love is. There is only One who can teach us, show us and give us the love we crave, and that is Jesus Christ- our Lord and Savior. Without Him we cannot truly know or experience love.
For 23 years I lived a loveless life. Yes, I had the love of my children, my friends and my family, and even my God. But my soul craved more. No matter how hard I tried to push it down, to swallow the loneliness and the craving to be loved as God created me to be loved, the truth was always there. I wanted a man to love me like Christ said one would. I prayed in secret to my Lord and Savior for 16 years, crying and pleading with Him to bring me a man to love, to cherish, to honor and respect. Many have judged me recently regarding my upcoming nuptials, while others have encouraged and been supportive. But this is what I want you to know. I was alone. I was losing hope of ever finding true and lasting love like the Bible told me was possible. Then one day, through a series of trials and tribulations that had hit my life, a handsome man walked into where I was working and God (in His perfect timing) introduced me to the man I would fall head over heels in love with. He swept me off my feet- like David did Abigail.
Abigail lived in an abusive marriage. She lived with a man who loved himself more than he loved her. In the past I have blogged many times about Abigail, because she is who I related to more than any other woman in the Bible. I understood her heartache, and her heart; and I saw myself in her over and over again. I struggled in the beginning of this new relationship and still struggle every day with this love that I have found. I find myself pushing away, not accepting the love that this wonderful man has to offer me.
Abigail was freed from her loveless marriage, as was I. God took Nabal out of Abigail’s life through death, He took mine out of my life through divorce. But God did not forget Abigail nor the kind of life she deserved. She was a queen, a princess of the One True King; the One True God and He knew what she needed most of all.
“When the servants of David came to Abigail at Carmel, they said to her, ‘David has sent us to you to take you to him as his wife.” And she rose and bowed her face to the ground and said, “Behold, you handmaid is a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.” And Abigail hurried and rose and mounted a donkey, and her five young women attended her. She followed the messengers of David and became his wife.” 1 Samuel 25:40-42
David was King. Abigail was a queen, in need of a King. I believe that God is Sovereign. Nothing happens to us, for us, and most of all; nothing happens without God’s foreknowledge. If we believe that God is Sovereign, then we must also believe that He has and will orchestrate events in our lives to direct us and keep us on the path that He has prepared for us. (Ephesians 2:10)
I never thought my business would fail. But it did. Within a few short months my thriving business went bust. There was nothing I could do to stop it, and no one understood why it was happening. I did everything I could to keep it afloat. But to no avail. I had to go and get a job to help support myself. I was separated, going through a divorce and living with a friend. I barely had enough money to pay my bills, and barely had enough money left over to buy food. There were many days I went without eating because I couldn’t afford it. I lost my way for a few months, and there were times that I wondered why God would even want me back. But He never left me, not once did He let go of my life. I was always in His hands.
I ended up getting a job 45 minutes away from where I was living. It was the only thing I could find. I applied to many other jobs, but this one was the only one I could get. Once again, God was working and orchestrating a path for me I would have never seen, and never imagined possible. But we know that with God all things are possible. I had only been working for about a week when he walked in. I looked up and my whole body felt like it was filled with butterflies. I have never experienced anything like that before. I could hardly speak. Every time he looked at me, I felt like I was on fire, like there were fireworks going off inside me. I didn’t know what to do, I was never more nervous and confused in my entire life.
After he left, I spoke to a co-worker about what I just experienced. She smiled. She knew. She explained she had felt it too- the day she met the man she would marry. She knew that was the man for her. I admit, I was a little taken back by that, because I had told many that I would never put myself into a relationship nor into marriage again. But, after a few short months of he and I talking and seeing one another at my place of work, he finally asked me for my phone number.
I am a firm believer in not asking a guy out. If a guy wants to get to know you, he will make the effort to do so. But I have to be honest- he sure did take his time! Our first date lasted for almost two hours- it might have been longer, I am not sure. But I left there knowing that this man was someone special. I knew that I wanted to get to know him more. He felt the same way. We connected in ways that I never thought I would connect with anyone. I am a very intellectual person, if I cannot hold an intellectual conversation with you for any length of time, then I will most likely not talk to you anymore. I am a deep thinker- and I like to talk about deep things. He was the first one who ever kept up with me.
From that date to the next date, my feelings for him grew into love. I never believed in love at first site, let alone finding your “soulmate”. But I one day, while we were fishing at the Neuse river, I was reminded of Isaac and Rebekah when their eyes first met. Isaac saw her coming from a far off and fell to his knees. Rebekah got off her horse and ran to him. It was love at first sight. Isaac knew this was the woman God had prepared for him, and Rebekah knew Isaac was the man God had prepared for her.
For 16 years I was alone, even though I was legally married to the man who lived in a different room, who lived a separate life from me, I still prayed every night that God would somehow, someway give me a man to love and a man to love me. I would list certain qualities that I wanted to find. A man who was compassionate, who believed in Him; a man who worked hard and was kind. A man of integrity and passion for life and for love. There were so many qualities that I listed night after night, many of them I had forgotten about- until he walked into my life.
Now I sit here, with a new ring on my finger, a wedding dress getting alterations and a date set. I sit here in a place I never thought I would be. But here I am. Happy, thankful and grateful that God heard my prayers- my secret prayers. There is no longer a doubt in my mind that the man I am going to marry on October 6th is the man God has prepared for me, and I have no doubt that I am the woman God has prepared for him. He is my David- my king, and my comforter. He is my Isaac, my one true love. He is the one my soul loves.
Those past 23 years taught me how to be the woman this man needs. Don’t ever give up on love my dear friends. It can happen, and when it does happen- when God sends you to the one you are to love- it will be a love story so unreal that not even you will want to believe it. But believe it, embrace it and enjoy it- because, with God all things are possible.